For many years my friends have been pushing me to write a book about my life. However I refuse. Well this morning on the way to work I figured out the title for the never-to-be-published guide to my life. It will be “Riding in the car with my mom” I of course would have guest writers compose chapters of their experiences as well, like Jamie for example could describe her near death experience. But it would stem much farther than all the times my mother has tried to kill my friends. Today’s ride to work would definitely take up at least two chapters…..
“Did you watch Wimbledon yesterday?”
“No, mom I was driving home from the beach. Did YOU watch it?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Since when did you start watching tennis?”
“Since the second half.”
“Second half of what?”
“of the tournament”
“you watched the whole second half of Wimbledon?”
“yeah , it was only like 20 minutes.”
“No, no it wasn’t.”
“Yeah it was and I thought for sure Nadal was going to pull it off too”
“pull what off?”
“Win the tournament! What are you talking about?”
“he did pull it off, Federer lost to Nadal. What are you talking about?”
“are you sure?”
“yes”
“no, I don’t think so”
“yes, mom”
“Oh that’s right they tied”
“no, no they did not”
The only thing I hate more than watching sports with my mom is when she watches sports and then pretends she didn’t just see what happened. The chapter of course would be “The Apple tried to escape from the Tree”
And this chapter of the book will be about the things my mom makes up in her head and shall be named later…I am taking requests.
“Sarah, did you have fun getting home last night?”
“Well we had to walk home because her dad was alcoholic-ly drunk so it was awkward when I told her I wouldn’t ride in the car with him”
“Oh my God, did you get in the car?”
“what did I just say”
“Sarah, you could have been killed or worse”
“One: I just said we walked, and Two: what is worse than being killed?”
“this is serious, I don’t know if I want you going to bars if you’re going to make bad decisions”
“holy crap are you kidding me?”
“no, I am not. I think for the rest of the summer you should just stay home on the weekends”
“you’re insane”
“except for Jamie’s birthday. You can go out and celebrate that because I know she won’t let you drive drunk”
“You need help”
And on that note……..
JAMIE COMES TO VIRGINIA TOMORROW!!!!
In other news:
For some odd reason recently I have been receiving text messages from phone number 7794 giving me all the latest gossip news. It has been extremely annoying, who gives a flying flip about Brittney Spear’s 16 year old pregnant sister or Angelina moving to Paris to have her twins…..but today, well that’s another story. Sunday morning I received a text saying that “A-Rods’ wife claims that his relationship with Madonna is ‘more than friends’”. So then this morning on the way to work listening to the radio I felt very informative about gossip (for the first time ever) - anything to make mom proud.
